Memories and Regrets
by PennytheMonsterBringer
Summary: Caine's thoughts set straight after, you know what in Light. His overall recollection of the series and where he will end up, heaven or hell. One shot. Please read and review. *SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE SERIES*


**hope you all enjoy reading this, it took me a while. All from Caine's point of view. Contains spoilers for all the books! Set just after Caine's death in light!**

**nini xoxo**

So this is what it was like to be dead.I felt myself float up in the air, seeing my dead body left behind. I knew I was dead. Now I was in my way to hell. Leaving my lover, friends and enemies behind. I was going to join the people who I had killed and the people who I had lost. I just felt myself floating up, through the white blanket of the cloud.

I arrived in a large spacious place, nothing was too be seen, only the continous blanket of cloud beneath my feet. I stared to walk, not knowing what I would find ahead. It would probably be hell though, I doubted I deserved heaven. Killing so many people, hurting others and being an overall bad person. I sighed, if only I had been better in my earlier life.

I recalled my first day at Coates, I was only ten. The minute I went through the door I felt as if I wanted power. I immediately surrounded myself with two followers, Diana, my lover and Drake, who had become my enemy. I didn't know what had happened to him, I couldn't tell. He may have died, he also may not have.

I continued to think as I walked, this time my mind flickered to the time when the wall first appeared. All the members of Coates academy had turned to me. I had tried to take over Perdido Beach. That was my first big mistake. I could have just walked down and made a truce, rather than follow my plan. The plan that killed innocent children. Recalling it made me sad. I only wanted power at the time. I didn't care what else. I only wanted power. Perdido Beach was my target.

Then it came to me, how I became so unpopular. I had embedded all the freaks hands in concrete, forcing them to walk around like that, letting them starve in Coates, leaving the stupid boy, Andrew on watch. I hadn't let them be free, as I realised they deserved to be.

There was the horrible time when I set the Coyotes on the children, sending them running into battle, to kill off children. I had also left Drake and the Couotes in the Daycare, which I shouldn't have done. I didn't tell my own brother how to survive either, I was about to let him die.

I recalled the awful time I had thrown Chunk through the wall in Coates, just because he was annoying me. How could I be such an awful person. I killed an innocent child, I hand killed many innocent children in the FAYZ though...

There was the one murder I was proud of, Drake's. I buried him deep in the mine shaft. He had turned on me and tried to hurt me. He joined an evil green monster, the one I never realised would be as much of a threat as it was. It made me sad to think of it. I was a stupid boy, but I felt accomplished when I killed Drake, as I never did with other murders.

I continued to search the file in my brain, waiting for the next horrible memory. That boy Hank, he shot at my boat with his shotgun, and after sinking one boat, attemped to gun down the other, but I had lifted up into the air and sent hurtling down in to the water with my power of telekinisis, killing him. He never surfaced again.

Then there was Lance. I remember that day all too well. I had gone into the town plaza. Lance and his fellow 'Human Crew' member, Zil Sperry. They had been accused of the attempted murder of Albert. I overreacted a little bit, throwing Lance in the air, letting him plummet to the ground, his dead body splattered across the Plaza. I only did it to show what I do if a town member does something wrong.

Followed by Penny. I had hated that girl since I met her. Firstly I had chucked her off a cliff when we were on de Salles island. I expected her to die. She hadn't though, I had only demolished her legs. Then later my brother and I killed her together. I finished her, chucking a slab of concrete on her head. Demolishing it. Spraying brains onto the highway. I often thought back on that one, seeing as I shared the murder, it seemed worse. I had teamed up with another human being to kill a human being.

There was the accidental death of my team mate, only a few hours ago. When I sent that missile, intending for it to hit my daughter, Gaia. But instead I let it hit Charles Merriman, better known as 'Orc'. That nursery was also a difficult one to think about. My first accidental kill. Of all my kills. This was the first and only one to be accidental.

Finally, my final kill. My own daughter, Gaia. I had let the spirit of Nemesis come into my body. I let it use me to kill her. I didn't know how that had resulted. But the last thing I saw before I left to go beyond the barrier of cloud was children running to meet the adults outside. I was guessing that killing my daughter and my daughter killing me is what finished the FAYZ off.

I didn't regret that surprisingly. It left me happy. My daughter was never mine. She was owned by a glowing green monster. By killing her, I saved over 100 children's lives.

Whilst I was thinking about this I tried to think of the good stuff I had done. It wa hard to think what. It made me feel like a bad person. All the kills. Bearly any good stuff. Then I thought of it.

The main good thing I had done was defeated the gaiaphage and saved all the surviving people in the FAYZ. I also thought of the fact that I had at the start of it all, managed food quite well. If it wasn't for me, I don't mean to brag, a lot more people would have starved early on. I was a natural born leader, I will give myself that. And also rather handsome according to my love, Diana.

I had brought Diana, Penny and Bug to the island, it helped with the lack of food. All of us were starving. I had saved Diana and she fell, using my telekinesis for the better.

Also, I had helped with Duck's scarifice. I didn't mean to sound evil, to three him to the Gaiaphage with Sam, my perfect brother! Phtp, he always got the easy route out. by throwing Duck to the Gaiaphage, I had fended of the green monster, giving the FAYZians a little bit of peace.

As I recalled, I had stepped up and helped people learn to protect themselves at the start. Taking over from the old 'Captain' Orc, as he had called himself back in the old days. At the time, orc's cre had been terrorising kids, killing them for any misbehaviour. I assume hake lord save the FAYZ from that. My brother had been off somewhere with his girlfriend. Which only helped in the end by having the girl look at her brother, and kill him.

I looked up to find by self at a large white gate. At one side was a man in a red suit hiding a red trident. On the other side was an angel in white flowing dress with a halo floating above her head. The angel and the devil spoke tag the same time,

"we think you should end up in..."


End file.
